Bliss
by InvaderXelith
Summary: Look! I changed the summary! Gaz makes problems, Zim makes solutions. Slash.
1. PROLOUGE! Gaz's awesome rage!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I don't have any money. Don't sue me.  
  
Warnings: This will eventually be slash. Uh. that's about it.  
  
Author's notes: I titled the chapters like Slayers episodes! For no good reason! C&C would be great, if you feel like it.  
  
  
  
Bliss  
  
  
  
PROLOUGE! Gaz's awesome rage!  
  
The day was dark, the day was wet and Gaz Membrane estimated that she had about ten minutes left until she went into Gameslave withdrawal.  
  
"Dib! Have you seen my Gameslave?"  
  
Gaz was starting to panic. She had looked all over the house already, and there was no sign of her beloved console anywhere. She pushed open the door to Dib's room and cocked her head suspiciously at the guilty expression on his face.  
  
"Dib. Gameslave. Now."  
  
"Eh heh heh. Ya know Gaz, there's a funny story about that. it's really funny, YOU'LL LAUGH! I SWEAR YOU'LL LAUGH!"  
  
He backed away nervously, glancing behind him at his bed.  
  
"I came home, see, and I sat down to watch 'Mysterious mysteries' and your Gameslave was on the couch and well."  
  
Dib stepped forward and offered Gaz several red, silver and clear chunks.  
  
"Heh heh heh.It's a funny story, isn't it Gaz? ISN'T IT?!"  
  
Fear was starting to enter Dib's eyes, and he glanced around his room like a caged animal. He could jump out the window, but it was quite painful the last time he tried that. Gaz's eyes were quite open by now and she was twitching uncontrollably. Dib decided to take his chances with the window. 


	2. ANGST! Dib's shocking revelation!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I don't have any money. Don't sue me.  
  
Warnings: This will eventually be slash. Uh. that's about it.  
  
Author's notes: Kind of the same as last time.C&C? Thanks.  
  
  
  
Bliss  
  
  
  
ANGST! Dib's shocking revelation!  
  
  
  
  
  
Monday came, eventually, and in addition to having to wake up and drag his sleep deprived butt to skool, Dib was having a bad day. Perhaps "bad day" is too tame an explanation. This day was the badass that cut class, smoked and beat up other, weaker bad days for it's own amusement.  
  
The day started normally enough. Dib got up, put on his clothes, had breakfast, collected Gaz and began the first day of their 5-morning-a-week pilgrimage to the high skool, which they attended together. Gaz's face was adorned with a self-satisfied smirk that morning, but Dib thought nothing of it because she always looked that way when she was plotting revenge. He'd replaced her Gameslave last night, though, and he was going to give it to her after skool today, so he wouldn't have to worry about her wrath much longer.  
  
When he got to skool, he was immediately met with hostile glares from the jocks and the popular girls. Zim always got to school about a half-hour later than Dib, though, so it couldn't have anything to do with him.  
  
  
  
"Hey fag!"  
  
Dib looked around to see whom the painfully unoriginal comment was directed at, just before he came to the sobering realization that the comment was directed at him.  
  
"So," the painfully square-headed jock started, "I hear you like to fuck guys." He galumphed slowly towards an increasingly nervous Dib.  
  
"W-who told you that?"  
  
"Well, Todd heard it from Josh who heard it from Andrew who heard it from Lindsay who heard it from Zita who heard it from Alice who heard it from Jessica who heard it from Gaz, but that's not the point."  
  
Dib was quite confused as to what the point actually was, but he didn't want to stick around and find out. He decided he would try and keep his dignity by just walking away, but plans like that usually don't turn out like they should.  
  
"DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME, FAG!"  
  
He punctuated this stunning display of manhood by thrusting Dib up against a locker.  
  
"My point is, that I knew you were gay all along. I mean, look at your hair! It's BLACK! No straight people have black hair."  
  
"Black.hair?" This made no sense at all, of course. "Who in the hell thinks that all black-haired people are gay?"  
  
Dib was getting pretty pissed off by now, and being pinned to a locker and surrounded by sweaty, roid-monkey troglodytes weren't helping things at all. He braced himself for the incoming blow when the bell rang and teachers started yelling for students to get to class. He had never been so happy about having his brain slowly atrophied in his entire life.  
  
For once, Dib couldn't wait until his next class. Biology with Zim. Maybe engaging him in some of their normal pre-lunch banter would make things seem a bit more.well.normal. How wrong he was. From the moment Zim walked into the classroom, Dib tried his best to put down Zim as much as possible, but this only sparked classmate speculation as to what their REAL relationship was, much to Dib's chagrin. He spent the rest of the morning dodging beatings, fighting with Zim and hoping to God that Zim only knew the archaic definitions of "fag" and "gay".  
  
Finally, lunch came and he could leave the skool grounds in search of a more peaceful place to relax and figure things out. For example, who exactly, told everyone? Jock prototype #989 had said something to that effect, but his apprehensiveness had tuned out everything that was being said. There was a big long steam of names, but he couldn't remember them all. Andrew, Josh, Lindsay, Zita, Jessica.Gaz. Fucking Gaz. He had known his sister to do some cruel things, but he'd never, ever expected her to go this far. She KNEW the kind of shit he'd get for something like this, and she did it anyway.  
  
Why did he bother? He'd apologized, he'd replaced the Gameslave, he made amends! He was planning to surprise her by giving it to her today! He thought she would be so happy!  
  
"But nooooooo, nothing diverts Gaz from her vengeance, not even dooming her brother to a year in hell." He thought bitterly.  
  
He should have known it would end sooner or later. It was hard to keep secrets in a high skool setting, and even harder when you've known a quarter of the people there since you were in kindergarten. But still, he had hoped he would graduate before it got out. He had only had one year left and Gaz ruined that for him. Dib sighed.  
  
"Fuck it." He turned away from the skool and left. His classes were abysmally easy anyway, and he didn't need to take this shit. Maybe a week off would give things a chance to cool down. Not likely, but he could hope. Dib's eyes were filling with tears, but he tried to push them back. He wouldn't let them make him cry. They didn't deserve the satisfaction. 


	3. CHEER! Zim's daring plan!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I don't have any money. Don't sue me.  
  
Warnings: This will eventually be slash. Uh. that's about it.  
  
  
  
Author's notes: Thanks so much for your reviews! They made my day, you nice people, you. I'll probably have the next part up today or tomorrow, but I have no idea how long this is going to be. Coyotestar, I went and read "Electric Conflict of Bloodstone", and you're totally awesome! I love your Miss Bitters.  
  
  
  
Bliss  
  
  
  
CHEER! Zim's daring plan!  
  
  
  
Zim was perplexed. Now, Zim had been perplexed many, many times since he had come to this tallest-forsaken stinkball, but not usually about a human. As a species, they were fairly simple to figure out. They went to skool, they came home, they ate, they shat, and they slept. They were, for the most part, jerks. There was only one exception to this rule: Dib. He and Dib had their rivalry down to a science after all these years. Every morning at exactly 10:07, they walked into their shared Biology class and began their first fight of the day, always a verbal one. At 10:57, they parted ways again until lunch. At lunch they would start a screaming match that lasted until 12:03, when they took their quarrel outside to "finish this once and for all". After the scuffle, which would inevitably be broken up by a teacher of some sort, they spent the rest of the day glaring at each other and hissing insults.  
  
Today, however, Dib didn't give it his all. Their banter had developed a certain.affectionate undertone since elementary skool, probably because they had both accepted that they were at a standstill, but today it just wasn't there. It was replaced with something like desperation, like he was proving something today that he wasn't trying to prove yesterday. Now it was lunch and he wasn't in the cafeteria, so Zim was outside looking for him, more than a little concerned. Who would keep him in shape if Dib weren't around? Who would notice him? Zim wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he'd take hate over indifference any day. At least hate procured him some attention.  
  
Zim figured it had something to do with all the kids saying that Dib was "gay", but why would they make such a big deal out of him being happy? They were calling him a "faggot" as well, but he didn't know what that had to do with anything either. Admittedly, Zim didn't know much about this thing humans called "slang", but he figured that "gay" meant something other than happy. He rounded the corner when he finally spied Dib leaning against a tree. There was something in his stance that told Zim that he should stay back, at least for now.  
  
This isn't what perplexed him. He could read Dib's moods and body language almost as well as his own by now. What had him thinking was the way Dib looked. He knew to stay away, but at the same time, Dib looked so heartbroken. He was tempted to rush up and give him a hug. Sure, they were rivals, but at the same time, almost everything Zim did was to impress him. All the plots, the inventions, the efforts to take over the Earth, even growing.  
  
At the end of elementary skool, Zim still hadn't grown, and it was this Dib chose to single him out for. More of his "evidence", Zim supposed, but that didn't matter. Dib's goading made him set straight to work figuring out how he could get taller.  
  
After many experiments and few successes, Zim came to the conclusion that human and irkan biology was very similar. In fact, almost every human organ had an irkan counterpart. Except for the squeedely-spooch. That bothersome organ. It was, however, the irkan.hormone factory, if you will. The setback was that it only produced only ¼ of the growth hormones that human organs did. Dib's goading spurred him on, though, and within a few months, he was able to alter the organ so it worked at a human rate with only a very minor surgery. Now he stood at 6"1, only three inches shorter than his tallest. All because of Dib. If Dib were truly as depressed as he'd seen today, then he'd have to do something about it.  
  
"Yes! I, ZIM, will cheer up DIB, and it will be the cheeriest cheering the world has ever seen!"  
  
He started to cackle maniacally, and a few students stared, but he didn't care. He had to get home and find out how humans made each other cheery. After all, it wouldn't do to lose his only motivation.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
(Further) Author's notes: Hopefully, I should have the next chapter up today or tomorrow. 


	4. TALK! Male bonding is best with chocolat...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I don't have any money. Don't sue me.  
  
Warnings: This will eventually be slash. Uh. that's about it.  
  
Author's notes: Oh, I do so love it when you wonderful people review! ^-^ From now on though, I'll answer individual questions at the bottom of the fic so you won't have to scroll through a huge block of text at the beginning.  
  
  
  
Bliss  
  
  
  
TALK! Male bonding is best with chocolate ice cream.  
  
  
  
Dib had spent most of that afternoon in his room. He left skool with the intention of not coming home until as late as humanly possible, but then he remembered that there was nothing to do in this city during the day except drink coffee and brood. Which he did, but it didn't help. He ended up going home, tossing the carefully wrapped Gameslave on Gaz's bed and holing himself up in his room.  
  
Presently, he was playing with his favorite knife. It had a silver blade, and the handle was pewter, in the shape of a dragon. He bought it for protection against werewolves. He twirled it around four times, threw it up and caught it twice, and gently sliced the air once. Then he began the motions over again. It gave him something to concentrate on instead of...never mind.  
  
When Gaz came home after school, she knocked on his door and offered a feeble apology. Like it would help. He told her so as well, that it would take a lot more than an apology to set things right. He broke her Gameslave, but she broke his freedom. At skool, at least. He wouldn't have cared if he didn't have to see them every day, and Gaz didn't understand that. No one did. It was useless to try and take back what she said. They wouldn't care now. All they wanted was a scapegoat. Someone to blame for societies' ills. Gaz made him that scapegoat, and forgiveness would be long in coming.  
  
He could still hear their laughter and taunts in his head.  
  
Ha, ha, ha. FAG! Laughter, shouts, tapping.wait a minute. Tapping? Coming from.his window? This was different. When Dib opened his window, he found out just how different it was.  
  
"ZIM?!"  
  
"Hello Dib."  
  
Zim swung gracefully into Dib's room.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"I thought you might want to talk about what happened today."  
  
"No, Zim, why are you REALLY here?"  
  
"I read that humans feel better if they discuss their problems with a confidante. I brought.iced cream."  
  
"What makes you think I'd want to talk with.ice cream?"  
  
"I also read that sharing problems over a cardboard tube of chocolate.iced cream.is a typical human bonding ritual. Was I wrong?"  
  
"No Zim, but what made you think I'd want to talk with you?"  
  
"I assumed that your current depression has something to do with Gaz telling the whole skool that you are gay, which I recently discovered means homosexual. Since you don't seem to associate socially with anyone other than Gaz and myself and Gaz was the one who started the rumor, I thought I would be a good choice."  
  
Dib's head was spinning by now. Zim wanted to talk to him? Zim, in fact, did research on how to talk to him. Right down to the ice cream...but he was still unsure.  
  
"Zim, talking about this will only make me feel worse."  
  
"Worse?" Zim tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow, "Or.better?"  
  
Dib heaved a long-suffering sigh. "Probably better, but you wouldn't understand."  
  
"Oh, no. The evil alien invader would never understand pain. Dib, let me ask you something. Who is it those filthy, hormone-ridden grease factories pick on in your absence?"  
  
"Point taken."  
  
"Good. Then speak."  
  
Zim dragged Dib across the room, sat down on his bed and opened the ice cream.  
  
"I cannot believe I'm doing this," Dib said, "but I suppose you're better than nothing."  
  
"I love you too Dib. Now tell me why this situation upsets you so."  
  
"Come ON, Zim. You saw how they acted."  
  
"I did, but I didn't understand. Homosexuality is.bad.on this planet?"  
  
" You didn't draw that conclusion for yourself?"  
  
"Well, on my planet, if a relationship absolutely must be formed, homosexual ones are encouraged. We believe if you are fighting alongside one you love, you will fight ten times harder."  
  
"How ancient Greece of you."  
  
"I know."  
  
"How would YOU know?"  
  
"Dib, do you honestly think I could spend six years on a planet without learning anything of its history?"  
  
"Touché."  
  
"Good. Now, I suppose you feel that Gaz betrayed you."  
  
Dib took a moment to swallow his ice cream and replied,  
  
"You know, considering you're a power-hungry alien freak, you're pretty intuitive."  
  
"I try. Let me guess again. You thought she was the one person you could trust. You told her everything, she understood and you thought she'd NEVER take that for granted or abuse it in any way?"  
  
"How are you doing this?"  
  
"I've had my share of betrayal, Dib."  
  
"You? But I didn't think."  
  
"And that would be the problem with most of your species. I did have a life before I came to this germy trash heap."  
  
"But.betrayal? And you STILL act like that?  
  
"Act like what?"  
  
"You know. All.Zimmy."  
  
"That was a great help to me. In the future, I will try to act less Zimmy."  
  
"You know what I mean!"  
  
"How we act isn't always how we feel."  
  
"Zim,"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Stop making so much sense. You're scaring me."  
  
"I'm sorry. GET AWAY FROM MY SHIP, EVIL DOOM BEES! Better?"  
  
"Not really, no."  
  
"You're very high-maintenance, Dib."  
  
"I have a right to be. So, who betrayed you?"  
  
If there was anything Zim had expected from this visit, it certainly wasn't to spill his guts to Dib. His research said that he might be expected to share back, but how much? Oh, what the hell? He and Dib were equals, and he was confident that the information wouldn't be used against him in any lasting way.  
  
"Well, back on Irk."  
  
"Irk?"  
  
"Yes, Irk."  
  
"Irk. Irk, as in: to annoy."  
  
"What's your point, Dib?"  
  
"It just baffles me that humanity's biggest threat comes from a planet whose name means 'to annoy'."  
  
"In Irkan, it means 'strength'. Can I continue? Good. On Irk, our leaders, the tallest."  
  
"Tallest?"  
  
"They are taller than everyone else."  
  
"Wait.is that how you judge authority?"  
  
"Yes. Are you quite done?"  
  
"On second thought," Dib muttered, "let's not go to Irk. 'Tis a silly place."  
  
"Do you want to hear the story or not?"  
  
"I'm sorry. I'll stop talking now."  
  
"Alright. The tallest are supreme, and it is an honor to be trusted by them. Just remember that. I was.one of the smallest of my race. Being short on Irk usually means you are denied certain rights and opportunities. Often the shorter members of society are confined to menial jobs, bookkeeping and the like. You can imagine my surprise when I, someone so tiny, was chosen by the tallest themselves to be a part of Operation: Impending Doom."  
  
"You know, I almost can. Almost."  
  
"What happened to not talking?"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Anyway, I was inexperienced in REAL invasion, and in my excitement, I." Zim drooped his head and his voice, "kind of.destroyed the business district of my own planet."  
  
Dib snorted, then quickly buried his mouth in a pillow.  
  
"Dammit Dib! I put the fires out! Why does no one ever think I put the fires out?!"  
  
"Sorry, sorry, sorry. Go on."  
  
"In short, I was banished. But I quit that when I heard about Operation: Impending Doom 2."  
  
"You quit being banished?"  
  
"That's it. I'm not telling the story anymore. Let's wallow in some of your misery."  
  
"No, no. Please. I really want to hear this. It's nice to know someone else knows what I'm going through, it's just that not many people quit being banished."  
  
"Okay, but one more word, and I'll be forced to remove your tongue. I'll get to the point. My Tallest sent me here to get rid of me. At first I thought I was being honored with a second chance, but halfway here, I realized different. They didn't know if there was a planet here or not, and they were hoping I would die. My equipment was all sub-standard, and my robot slave was built out of trash, but I came here anyway, in hopes I could prove my worthiness. I was recently told not to call until I conquer Earth. 'For security reasons', of course."  
  
Zim looked down at his lap.  
  
"I know what it feels like to be betrayed."  
  
"Zim.I."  
  
"DON'T. If you pity me, I'll leave."  
  
" I won't. Thank you for telling me. Now I know we're on the same wavelength."  
  
"Good. You talk now. I'm tired of it."  
  
"For once."  
  
"What was that, human scum?"  
  
"Nothing, space jerk. This wouldn't bother me so much if they had found out on their own.but Gaz told them. I never thought that she was capable of something like this. It just.makes me lose faith, I guess. If I can't trust Gaz, I can't trust anyone."  
  
"I hope you feel you can trust me."  
  
"I do. For some twisted, psychologically wrong reason, I do."  
  
"Good."  
  
"I just.can't see any way out of this. If I go back to skool, they get to insult me some more. If I just give up and kill myself."  
  
"KILL YOURSELF?!"  
  
"It's your turn to not talk now. If I kill myself, I'll be reduced to a gay rights martyr and live forever in their minds as 'that faggot who committed suicide.' Everything I could possibly do would give them some sort of satisfaction. Sometimes I think I should just give up and act like them."  
  
"If you do Dib, I'll kill you."  
  
"I thought you'd be happy if I did that. I wouldn't be in your way anymore."  
  
"So far Dib, you are the only person on this planet that I don't consider to be a disgusting, inbred moron. If you started to act like them, you'd be taking away the only thing about this planet I like."  
  
"You.like.me? Nononono.no. Zim, we hate each other, remember? We try to kill each other."  
  
"Yes. That is precisely why I like you. You are my equal, my only equal. If you were an Irkan, you would have been a fine invader, and a good friend."  
  
"Know what, Zim?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I like you too. And I feel a lot better now."  
  
It was weird, but he really, really did. And to think, it was all thanks to Zim, who was leaning over and.oh god, kissing him on the cheek!  
  
"Wha-wh- Zim!"  
  
"Is it not Earth tradition to end a bonding session with a kiss on the cheek?"  
  
"Sometimes.yes. But usually only very close friends do stuff like that."  
  
"Are we not friends? I assumed that we were friends, since you chose to disclose your feelings to me."  
  
Friends? Were they.friends? Zim was the only one who bothered to ask how he felt about this.  
  
"Yeah," He replied, giving Zim a hug, "we're friends."  
  
  
  
(Further) Author's Notes: Woot! That took longer than expected. I cleaned for a veeeeery long time today, which turned my brain into a huge puddle of goo. MiracleChick: Thanks for pointing that out! I get a bit wordy sometimes without realizing it. I'm still having trouble seeing it though.I'd love you forever if you could let me know, by email (Chevy3@home.com) or other means, where you noticed it? Zharlight: Is everyone still IC? Arm&Leg: I'm using my Jedi mind powers to heal your ankle. Mirage DeDreamer: That was the nicest compliment! Thank you! Everyone: Yup, still going! I'm back to skool after this weekend, though, so updates might be a little more time between updates as of Monday. *sigh* Only a semester and a half to go! 


	5. SURPRISE! A new outfit for skool?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I don't have any money. Don't sue me.  
  
Warnings: This will eventually be slash. Uh. that's about it.  
  
Author's Notes: So.many.reviews. Thanks again to the reviewers! Okay, one special note (it's NEW!). I know I'm gonna get some questions about this at the end of the fic, so I'm gonna say it now: Yes, I do think Zim would be a clotheshorse. If he were forced to wear civilian clothes, that is. He's pretty vain, and I've noticed that people with that personality type tend to care a lot about how they look.okay that's it.  
  
  
  
SURPRISE! A new outfit for skool?  
  
  
  
Dib fell asleep that night feeling content. It was a realistic content, he had to go back to skool eventually, after all, but content nonetheless. He had a restful sleep, and judging by the red glow the sun was casting into his closed eyes, it was going to be a beautiful day. Still though, something didn't feel quite right. Dib decided that he had better wake up.  
  
"Nnnngh. AAARRRRGH! ZIM! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM!"  
  
Indeed, Zim was in his room. Zim was not only in his room, Zim was leaning over his bed, blinking innocently.  
  
"I am here.TO WALK YOU TO SKOOL!"  
  
"I have a car, but I'm not going to skool today, Zim."  
  
"You say that, but I don't think you mean it."  
  
With that, Zim walked over to Dib's closet and started to rummage.  
  
"How did you even get in here?"  
  
"I climbed the wall with my leg extensions. I can grip the cracks in the wall, and your wall has many cracks. The fact that your window was open was a lucky coincidence."  
  
During his cheery explanation, Zim was taking things off hangers, examining them and throwing them behind him into a steadily growing pile, which lead Dib to his second point.  
  
"I'm almost afraid to ask, but what are you doing in my closet?"  
  
"You can't go to skool in your undergarments, can you?"  
  
Dib had completely forgotten about his lack of pants or a shirt upon waking up and finding Zim hovering over him.  
  
"I can dress myself, thanks."  
  
"No you can't."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"You can't dress yourself. You've been wearing the exact same outfit every day for six years."  
  
"No I haven't! I have other outfits! I'm just.saving them. For a special occasion."  
  
"What's more special than a visit from the great Zim? You need to wear something new. Something that says, 'I am an Earthanoid piece of garbage, but I don't care because I look good.'"  
  
"And you're the be-all and end-all of fashion advice, I'm sure."  
  
In truth, Zim had acquired quite a flair for clothing over the years. Today he was wearing black vinyl pants and a red and black striped muscle shirt with a black velvet smoking jacket on top. Fingerless spiked gloves and a spiked black collar completed the outfit. Somehow, he managed to make anything look good, but Dib would never tell him that.  
  
"Dib," Zim said, still flinging clothes about the room, "look at me. Of course I am!"  
  
"Oh ho, ho, ho, ho. The things I could say. Anyway, none of this matters because I'M.NOT.GOING.TO.SKOOL!"  
  
"Yes you are. I'm taking you. You'll go if I have to break your legs and drag you there by your tongue."  
  
"Look Zim. I want to wait until things have calmed down before I go back to skool. If I go today, all that'll happen is a repeat of yesterday."  
  
"Not so. Here, put these on." He tossed Dib a pair of loose fitting leather pants. "These are so much better than those tight ones you wear. They were okay when you were twelve, but now they just look.tacky."  
  
"And black vinyl isn't tacky?"  
  
"Dib, Dib, Dib. These are club pants. And they don't cling to every flap of leg meat my body. They'd be fine if you had a thin, tight shirt to wear with them. With the shirts you wear it just looks disproportionate. You have so much to learn."  
  
"And you, of course, know it all."  
  
"WHO do you think designed the new line of invader uniforms? I designed robes for the Tallest themselves!"  
  
"I thought you were an invader."  
  
"That was my second job. Do you really think the Tallest would assign an important mission to some random short person they didn't know? Fashion design gave me a chance to become an invader."  
  
"Uh.huh. I'm still not going. Nothing will have changed."  
  
"Ahhh, but something has changed."  
  
"What's changed, Zim? Everyone still knows I'm gay."  
  
"But now you have IIIIII, ZIM, as an ally. If anyone tries anything, I WILL REMOVE THEIR LIVER BONES!"  
  
Zim, by this point, had jumped up on Dib's bed and was shaking a leather-clad fist at some unseen enemy.  
  
"You know as well as I do that humans don't have liver bones."  
  
Zim coughed and stepped down off the bed.  
  
"I got excited, okay? I can't be expected to know every nook and cranny of the human body."  
  
"The liver's a pretty important cranny."  
  
"Quiet. And put those pants on. You'll look good. I promise."  
  
"You're not going to leave this alone, are you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh, fine." Dib got up and began to put on the pants.  
  
  
  
Zim was as good as his word. When he and Dib set out for skool that morning, Dib looked great. Not un-Dib-like, but different enough to look good. After the pants fiasco, Dib gave up and put on whatever clothes Zim told him to. After two hours and 18 clothes changes, Dib was ready to go. He wore the first pair of pants Zim picked out with a dark green sleeveless turtleneck, his silver dragon pendant, his regular black boots and, of course, his trenchcoat. Dib decided he should let Zim dress him more often.  
  
They talked nonstop the entire car ride, but none of that mattered when they got to skool. Upon Zim and Dib's entrance, the entire corridor fell silent and jock prototype #989 came lumbering up.  
  
"So faggot, back for more? You skipped out at lunch. Went home to fuck your boyfriend?"  
  
Zim looked a bit confused at this and leaned over and whispered to Dib, "You have a boyfriend? Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
"He's talking about you, Zim."  
  
Zim's face morphed into a cold, calculating look as he walked slowly towards #989, stopping when he was two inches away.  
  
"You will leave my friend alone. If I see or hear you bothering Dib again, I will go straight for your jugular and you will cease to be alive. No more sports, no more food, no more girls. I will not hesitate to kill you if you continue to annoy me. Do you understand?"  
  
#989 stared at Zim for a minute and replied,  
  
"You're a faggot too, aren't you? A scary one, but still a fag."  
  
"You just don't understand, do you?"  
  
Zim reared back and decked #989 right in the nose, to Dib's delight.  
  
"Come on Dib." Zim looked at the no-neck moron on the floor with disgust. "He's not worth the floor he's bleeding on."  
  
With that, he dragged Dib off to his next class and went to his own, planning how to get back at the skool and eagerly awaiting Biology so he could tell Dib about it.  
  
  
  
(Further) Author's notes: Told ya it would be longer in between chapters! Accursed skool.anyhoo.SilverEmpress624, I actually have no idea if shat is the past tense of shit, actually, my friends and I just sat down and decided it was one day. It is in my spellchecker, though. Pepperleen: there ye go! "Ye" is not in my spellchecker. Amethyst Soul, that was an awesome review! Curious blue, I'm sorry I broke your hand, but wasn't it worth it? Mouko, are you psychic or what? Although, I think I want Dib to help. Mirage DeDreamer: *laughs evilly* My comedic sappiness will take over the world! Haahaaaha! Okay, now I have to go call the insurance company so they can suck out my soul.. 


	6. SURPRISE! Revenge fantasies and dating, ...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I don't have any money. Don't sue me.  
  
Warnings: A bit of light slash. Uh. that's about it.  
  
Author's Notes: Thanks, as always, to my reviewers, and to Curious Blue for letting me give her a cameo. This one is up faster, no? I've gotten some comments, reviews and not, about how my chapters are short, so this one's a bit longer (I hope). They were kinda short before because I read that chapters weren't supposed to be longer than one scene. Here we go!  
  
  
  
SURPRISE! Revenge fantasies and dating, what could be better?  
  
  
  
Lunch came, as it usually did, and Dib and Zim ate outside. In Biology, they had fun passing notes back and forth, planning demise for J.P.989 and the skool in general, and now they were debating the merits of revenge against Gaz.  
  
"She's my sister!"  
  
"She screwed you over. On Irk, if someone you know dishonors you in such a way that it affects your ability to function in society, you're allowed to kill them."  
  
"This isn't Irk."  
  
"I know this isn't Irk, I just don't think you should sit around and take that kind of crap from family. You should do something."  
  
"No, Zim. She knows what she did. She feels bad enough that I won't forgive her easily, and no matter what, she's still my sister. The only one I have."  
  
"Can I at least soak her with a hose?"  
  
"No."  
  
Zim felt amazingly protective today, and if anyone even dared to look at Dib wrong, they got hell. He followed Dib to both of his classes before Biology, leaving more than a few bloody homophobic noses in his wake. He didn't really mean to hurt them that much, more of a thawp in the face than an actual injury, but something in him boiled when he heard those insults. This was the reason he wanted to hurt Gaz, even though he knew Dib wouldn't let him. That insufferable, tiny-brained selfish twit had started all of this, she was the one who told everyone. If she had just kept her mouth shut.Zim was seized by an idea. A brilliant idea. The most brilliant display of brilliance since Tallest Fuchsia ordered the invasion of Foodcourtia.  
  
"DIB!"  
  
Dib jerked his head up, looking a bit paranoid.  
  
"What? More assholes?"  
  
"No, nononononono. I want to ask you; if everyone thought you were straight, would they stop harassing you?"  
  
"No, probably not. They'd stop harassing me for being gay, but I'm used to all that other stuff. They wouldn't beat me up anymore, though. Why?"  
  
"Oh," Zim turned his head away from Dib and smiled mysteriously, "no reason."  
  
"Ziiiiiiiim," Dib mustered up the whiniest voice he could, "tell me!"  
  
"It's a surprise."  
  
"That doesn't mean you can't tell me!"  
  
"I suppose that's.WAIT A MINUTE! YES IT DOES! I'm not telling you until it happens. It just isn't a surprise unless you're.surprised. Yes. You'll find out soon enough."  
  
"C'moooooonn." Dib schooched up closer to Zim. "I'll give you a cookie."  
  
"You'd have to give me a lot more than that to make me tell you this. It's too phenomenal to give up for a simple earth cookie."  
  
"I'll give you looooove.."  
  
"Sweet Dib love? I'll consider it; if it's sweet Dib love, but otherwise, you're still out one secret."  
  
"What kind of sweet Dib love?"  
  
Zim contorted his face into a lecherous, open-mouthed pose and made groping motions with his hands.  
  
"Sweeeeeeeeeeet Dib love." During his.description, he started to purposefully drool.  
  
"Weeeell," Dib stood up and flounced a few steps away, then looked over his shoulder, "not on the first date."  
  
Zim stood as well, marched up to Dib and exclaimed, "Then I shall.TAKE YOU ON A DATE! But I won't tell you the secret until the date takes place."  
  
"Okay. Let's go on a date. Right now. You can take me to the coffee shop down the road."  
  
"AHA! You won't trick me with your feminine wiles."  
  
"FEMININE?!"  
  
"Yes. Feminine. Traditionally, first dates take place at night, do they not? I know about human dating techniques, Dib. I know. You cannot fool THE GREAT AND POWERFUL ZIM!"  
  
"Right. Whatever, Oz."  
  
"Oz? Who is.Oz?"  
  
"A big, floating green head. How do you know about human dating techniques? You couldn't possibly conquer the world with dating information. OH MY GOD! There's someone you want to date, isn't there? Who is it?! Tell me!"  
  
"Preposterous! Why would I, ZIM, want to date a pathetic sack of human filth?"  
  
"Is it Deborah?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Alan?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Jessica?"  
  
"God, no."  
  
"Is iiiiiit..." Dib spun around dramatically, flipped his hair and batted his eyelashes coyly, "me?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Now Dib was shocked. His arms went slack, and he stood there with his jaw hanging open.  
  
"You want to date.me? Why would you want to date me?"  
  
"You're very pretty, for one. And you're the only person on this planet I respect. Remember that? You're fascinating, and I want to learn more about you."  
  
"We already know everything about each other."  
  
"Not everything. You didn't know that my race's power structure was based on height. I want to know your favorite colour, I want to know about your home life. I want to know why you started chasing me. I know your strengths and weaknesses, Dib, but that's only important for conquering. I want to conquer the Earth, not you, Dib."  
  
"You still want to conquer the Earth? Uhhh.ah, screw it.let's go out Friday night. For coffee, and.a movie?"  
  
"I'd love to."  
  
"Will you tell me what the surprise is now?"  
  
"No. You'll find out tomorrow. I'll give you a clue, though. I've found a solution to the harassment."  
  
"Blow up the skool?"  
  
"No, Dib."  
  
"Tell me!"  
  
"No!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Dib awoke the next morning in very much the same way he had the morning before, except this morning, Zim had just waltzed in and went straight for his closet. Dib woke to Zim holding a white, shimmering dress shirt up to his face.  
  
"What are you doing now, Zim?"  
  
"You HAVE to wear this today, with this," Zim reached into his shirt and pulled out a wad of fishnet, "on top!"  
  
He handed the wad to Dib with a flourish.  
  
"I." Dib shook his head to clear it, "No, Zim! You dressed me yesterday!"  
  
"And I will continue to do so until you figure out how to do it yourself! And for our date Friday, I'm going to pick you up. Now put those on, and I don't want any of your lip."  
  
"I thought you did want some of my lip."  
  
"Lips. You can't have one without the other, and as much as I enjoy seeing your bare chest, we'll be late for skool if you don't start to get dressed."  
  
"Heeeyy. Speaking of skool, and today."  
  
"You'll find out at lunch. Trust me, it'll be a lot more effective if you're surprised. And put these on."  
  
He handed Dib a pair of dark denim pants, with artfully frayed holes in the knees, thighs and right below the back pockets.  
  
"I want to dress myself tomorrow."  
  
"You can dress yourself for Friday night. I hope to have educated you in the fine art of clothes-choosing by then."  
  
"By Friday, huh? What if I'm a slow learner?"  
  
"Then I'll have to show up every morning and dress you until you do learn."  
  
Dib sighed and put on the shirt and wad of fishnet, which turned out to be a spider-webby vest, thinking that Zim doing this every day wouldn't be such a bad idea.  
  
  
  
At lunch, at Zim's insistence, they braved sitting in the cafeteria, avoiding the food that was occasionally pelted at them. Zim said that it was crucial for his surprise to carry through. Dib had no idea why, but he was really, really curious as to what the surprise that would solve the harassment problem was.  
  
The cafeteria doors flew open, interrupting his pondering, however, and a brown-haired girl in a trenchcoat, whom he'd never seen before in his life, stormed in, her coat flying behind her. Zim kicked him under the table and hissed,  
  
"Just play along."  
  
"DIB ISAAC MEMBRANE! HOW DAAAAAAARE YOU?!"  
  
Dib quaked with fear. He had no clue who this girl was, but she was using his middle name, and that always meant trouble.  
  
"Wha.what did I do?"  
  
"YOUUUUU KNOW WHAT.YOU.DID! DID YOU THINK YOU WOULD GET AWAY WITH IT?"  
  
"With.what?" Dib was afraid to ask, and wondered why in the world Zim thought this would help.  
  
"CHEATING ON ME WITH THAT.THAT.FRENCH TART, THAT'S WHAT! HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK I AM? DID YOU THINK I WOULDN'T FIND OUT?"  
  
In a stroke of brilliance, Dib began to scream in her face, "WELL IF YOU'D PUT OUT ONCE IN A WHILE, I WOULDN'T HAVE TO GET IT ELSEWHERE!"  
  
"YOU.BEAST! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN."  
  
As she said this, she flung a handful of mashed potatoes in his face and stormed out of the room. Before Dib could even sit down, the chatter started.  
  
"A girl? But I thought he was gay?"  
  
"Not just one girl, but two. Dib's a playa."  
  
"I guess his sister was just mad at him or something."  
  
Dib sat down, ecstatic. It worked. It really worked. Now.  
  
"Now we can go on our date on Friday," Zim piped up, "and no one will bother us."  
  
"Zim, you're a genius! How did you get her to do it?!"  
  
"I'm doing her homework for a week." Zim looked very pleased with himself. Dib was trying to hold himself back from hugging him.  
  
"Do you want to go outside to finish eating?"  
  
"Alright. Why?"  
  
"You'll see!"  
  
When they got outside and reasonably out of sight, Dib tackled Zim and squeezed him as tight as he could.  
  
"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!"  
  
"Dib.can't.breathe." Zim managed to choke out.  
  
Dib chuckled and loosened his grip a little bit.  
  
"I'm sorry, it's just.thanks. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."  
  
He looked straight at Zim, smiled broadly and kissed him on the cheek.  
  
"Now THAT was a plan worthy of sweet Dib love."  
  
Zim leered. "Okay, now make it just a little bit sweeter."  
  
"You'll have to wait for Friday." He flounced away and Zim followed, staring at the way Dib's trenchcoat clung to his cute little butt.  
  
  
  
(Further) Author's notes: In the next chapter, there'll be a makeout scene, I promise! I can just hear you all going "Finally!" Curious Blue wants me to tell you that she's not actually frigid. She was a very good sport about that line. Pepperleen: Next chapter! I promise on my comics! Zi Glomper Of Doom: Also, next chapter. I'm trying to make him not suck.Zim/Dib, this one, I think, but I'm head-writing a sequel as we speak, and that one will probably end up as a Dib/Zim. Ztarlight: Thank you! You're such a good IC checker! SilverEmpress624: It is! But strangely, the original spelling of faerie is not. All of youze: Was this a good chapter length? I'm never sure. 


	7. DATE! What should I wear?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I don't have any money. Don't sue me.  
  
Warnings: Slash.  
  
Authors notes: Thanks again to my reviewers. Wow, thanking you guys has become a tradition, hasn't it? Please ignore all the stupid page breaks.they.destroy me, but I can't take the out because my comp won't let me. Aaaaaaand now, the moment you've all been waiting for *drumroll* the date! Since it's kinda late, I wrote a pretty long scene, in which no words are spoken, because (well, at least I think) it makes for an intense kiss when no one says anything. Okay, enough talky from me.  
  
  
  
DATE! What should I wear?  
  
  
  
Halfway home, Zim realized something. He had no clue how to act on a date. He knew all about traditional dating rituals, but he had done no research on traditional dating behavior. Thank god Dib gave him a ride home. Now he had that much more time to research what to do. What Zim didn't count on was a snag named Gir. No sooner than he got in the door, Gir came barreling into the living room.  
  
"MAAAAASTER! I MADE LANGOS!"  
  
Zim suddenly found his face smothered in some sort of grainy, greasy, bread-like substance.  
  
"Gir! What is this.FILTH?"  
  
"Langos! Eat one!" Gir started to dance around the room. "Lango, lango, lango lango. LAAAAAANGO!"  
  
Zim wiped as much of the sweet-tasting stuff off his face as he could, and turned to face the still dancing Gir.  
  
"GIR! I am going to wash my face, and then I will be in my lab doing veeeeeeery important research. I need you to stay out of the way. Can you do that?"  
  
"YEAAAAAAAAAH! Wait.nooooo."  
  
"Gir, I have a very important DATE Friday, and I need to research how to act. If you cannot stay out of my way, it will ruin the date. Do you understand?"  
  
"MASTER! YOU HAVE A DATE! WHOZE YOU DATING? WHO? I LOOOOOVE YOU MASTER!"  
  
Gir leaped up and attached himself to Zim's head. Zim started flailing around trying to shake off the tiny embodiment of sugar.  
  
"ARGH! GIR! I'M GOING ON A DATE WITH DIB! NOW GET OFF MY HEAD!"  
  
"Dib-human? I liiiiike Dib-human! WHY IS HIS HEAD SO BIG?"  
  
"His head's not so big anymore, Gir."  
  
"His head shrunk?! NOOOO!"  
  
"More like.he grew into his head."  
  
"You can grow into your head? HEEEEAAAAD!"  
  
Gir ran screaming back into the kitchen, and Zim used the opportunity to escape to the bathroom so he could wash the gunk off his face. After the long, arduous process of scrubbing what felt like sugar from his face, he retired to his lab to complete his research.  
  
"Computer! What information do you have on human dating behavior?"  
  
"Human dating behavior: four sections."  
  
"Open the first section."  
  
"Section one: First impressions. Human adolescents often enter the domain of their date's home to be introduced to the date's parental units. A small gift is usually given to the person who did not initiate the date."  
  
"Open section two."  
  
"Section two: Movie dates. Movie dates are sometimes an excuse to partake in the activity known as 'making out'."  
  
"Define 'making out'."  
  
"Making out: The touching of lips, used to derive pleasure."  
  
"Oh. Kissing. Why didn't you just say that?"  
  
"I didn't feel like it."  
  
"GRR. Abominable thing. Continue."  
  
"Kissing is almost always initiated by bodily contact of other sorts, and does not always take place in the movie theatre. Bodily contact includes but is not limited to: touching of hands, the placement of an arm around the mate's shoulders, hand-to-leg contact.."  
  
Zim was imagining doing all this to Dib by now. He had to remind himself of his research.  
  
"ENOUGH! Open section three."  
  
"Section three: Coffee date. The couple adjourns to a beverage distribution unit and partakes of a hot, bitter liquid. This type of date usually entails in-depth conversation."  
  
"Section four."  
  
"Section four: Ending the date. If kissing does not occur at the movie or beverage distribution unit, it is considered appropriate to take place at the date's doorstep. It is an accepted way of saying 'good night'."  
  
"Hmmmm.Computer, resume normal security functions."  
  
"Affirmative."  
  
Zim had had no idea that he was expected to bring a gift. True, he hadn't initiated the date, but he WAS picking Dib up. He wasn't sure what to think about the coffee, either. Gir drank coffee once, and it was scary beyond belief. He decided he would just follow Dib's lead, but buy him a gift on his own. He had already thought of the perfect gift.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, Dib was in his room, becoming increasingly more frustrated at the growing pile of clothes on his bed.  
  
"What.should.I.WEAR?! Oh, this is so much harder than Zim makes it look!"  
  
His blue shirt was out, and the bout of unseasonable warmth they'd been having was coming to an end, so he had to wear something warm, but sexy. He moaned in defeat and flopped facedown on to his bed. Right on top of the perfect shirt to wear on his date! He forgot he even owned it! It was a tight, black, silky T-shirt with triangles cut in the sides and across his chest, covered with black mesh. Suddenly it all came together. He could wear the T-shirt with his tight leather pants, because it was a thin, tight shirt and it wouldn't look disproportionate. He would wear his ankle boots instead of his knee-highs so he could put the pants over them. He could wear dragon necklace and his silver waist chain as finishing touches! All Zim's "teaching" had really paid off! Not that Zim would ever know. He still liked having Zim dress him.  
  
Zim and Dib spent Thursday like they spent the rest of the week. They passed notes in Biology, ate outside, had animated conversations and arguments and drove to and from skool together. Both eagerly awaited Friday night, which came, as it usually does.  
  
Dib was still getting dressed at seven, the appointed date time. He borrowed some glittery.stuff from Gaz's makeup drawer and had just finished smearing small globs onto his cheeks when he heard a knocking at the window. He rolled his eyes.  
  
"Zim, don't you ever use the door?" When he opened the window, however, he saw why Zim hadn't.  
  
"What is that?"  
  
"This, Dib, is my Voot Runner, and our transportation for the evening."  
  
Zim was floating outside Dib's window in a compact, purple.hovering. thing.  
  
"Come on, hop in."  
  
He did. Upon his entrance to the Voot Runner, Zim thrust a small green plushie in his face.  
  
"An.alien doll?" Indeed, it was, and it looked just like Zim. "It's so cute! I love it. Thanks, Zim."  
  
"Well, I saw it, and thought you needed something green to beat up."  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"Kinky." Zim smirked.  
  
"I don't think you can handle it."  
  
"Oh, I beg to differ. Now, tell me where we're going. I'm not familiar with the social venues in this city."  
  
***  
  
Zim drove like a maniac. One would expect that from someone who picks them up in a tiny spaceship, but one would not expect to nearly collide with several building tops and pedestrians. In succession. Finally, they got to the Movie Theatre and Zim pulled off a perfect parking job. Upon parking, wheels, hubcaps and everything else it needed to look like a normal car popped out of the bottom, sides and top of the Voot Runner. When they got out, Zim locked the door with a very normal looking key control and they walked into the theatre.  
  
***  
  
Dib paid for the tickets and Zim paid for the snacks, which he didn't partake of. The movie was "Blood-sucking Alien Gut Thingies 7" with Jean Claude Van Damme. From the beginning, Zim could tell it was going to be terrible, so he decided to concentrate on Dib, who looked scrumptious tonight. The computer said that some couples."made out" at the movies, but he didn't think that would be appropriate in public, considering the.masculine characteristics.of the couple. They were in the darkest corner of the back row of the theatre, but he didn't think Dib would appreciate the attention, regardless. He would settle for putting his arm around his shoulders.for now. When he did, Dib stiffened for a minute, then, to Zim's delight, relaxed again and put his head on Zim's shoulder. He grinned and rested his own head on top of Dib's.  
  
The movie ended too soon, and yet not soon enough. Zim was immensely enjoying cuddling with Dib, but at the same time, his head would have exploded if he had to sit through one more second of that terrible, inaccurate movie. The aliens reminded him of the slaughtering rat people. He didn't even want to talk about it, so he thought of new topics of conversation on the way to the coffeehouse. Well, at least he was enjoying the coffee that Dib made him try.  
  
***  
  
After coffee, the boys migrated to makeout creek, ironically, the highest cliff in town. Dib could never comprehend why it got a name like makeout creek, but he didn't care enough to think about it. He was enjoying the view (and company) too much. It was odd, but he and Zim hadn't talked about the movie since they left it, although they talked nonstop about other things.  
  
"Are all earth movies like that?"  
  
He had spoken too soon.  
  
"It's sad, but a lot of them are. Some of them are worse."  
  
"WORSE? How could anything possibly be worse than that? He copulated with the vomiting girl!"  
  
"Some things are a lot worse. Remind me to tell you about Bukake one of these times."  
  
"Well, it WAS funny when they all got eaten."  
  
"A good point. What did you think of the aliens? Realistic?"  
  
"Maybe on Blorch."  
  
"Blorch?"  
  
"The slaughtering rat people from the planet Blorch. They're.pretty much exactly the same as the aliens in that movie."  
  
"Really? I would assume that most aliens are smarter than that."  
  
"You'd be surprised. There's a reason that irkens are the most successful conquerors in the galaxy."  
  
"But they haven't conquered Earth."  
  
"Yet. It's only a matter of time. I have plans. Big plans."  
  
Dib cocked his head.  
  
"Big plans? What plans are these? Tell meeeeee." He opened and closed his hands in parody of Zim's "gimme" pose.  
  
"Why, so you can foil them? We've never done that before. You'll just have to figure them out for yourself."  
  
"Aww, but we're dating now. Foiling your plans a little faster just means more makeout time."  
  
"Nice try. Unless you feel like helping me, you'll have to find out when the rest of humanity does."  
  
"You're no fair! No Dib love for you." Dib turned away and pretended to pout, knowing full well that Zim didn't really have a plan, and if he did, it would fail, thanks to him, just like always. It was a comforting thought, actually. Zim would always annoy him to some degree.  
  
"Hmmm.is that Jupiter?" Zim pointed to a particularly bright star.  
  
"I think it is. It's nice, isn't it?" Dib rested his head on Zim's shoulder. "Does this thing have a sunroof?"  
  
"Even better." Zim pushed a button and the Voot Runner's roof retracted into the back. He pushed another button and the front of the vehicle turned into a love seat of some sort. Dib put his feet up and rested his back against Zim's arm.  
  
"That is impressive."  
  
"I know."  
  
They spent a few minutes in silence, content to watch the stars. Dib had to shift a few times to find a position that stayed comfy for more than a few minutes. He ended up with his back on Zim's chest and his head nuzzled just under Zim's chin. He closed his eyes and smiled. When he opened his eyes, Zim was kissing him all of a sudden. Dib hadn't even felt him move, but there he was, pressing his lips firmly against Dib's own. Dib vaguely wondered if Zim had some sort of head teleporting technology before he let go of all rational thought and threw himself into the kiss with zeal. Zim's tongue snaked out, parting Dib's delicate pink lips. It was like nothing he could have imagined. Zim's tongue wasn't reptilian, like he had originally thought. No, it was smooth and cool, like marble, and just a little bit moist. He sat up, turned his body to face Zim's and straddled his lap, trying as hard as he could to avoid the loss of lip contact.  
  
The irken caressed Dib's face and dragged a finger, oh so slowly, down his neck. Dib shivered as Zim lightly scratched a trail down his spine, stopping right above the waistband of his pants and tracing little spirals. His other hand clutched a Dib's back, pulling him as close as possible. Dib slid forward on Zim's lap a little, and reached behind his head a little, running his hand up Zim's neck. He got closer to the top, expecting to find antennae, but instead got a handful of.wig? No, this won't do. He reached over and pushed the button Zim used to bring the roof down. The roof came back up. Dib ripped the wig off Zim's head and sensually ran his fingertips up an antenna, taking pleasure in the fact that Zim shuddered under him when he did it. He gently massaged the tip of it for a moment, then moved on to the other one. Zim, by now, was in raptures. Dib broke the kiss (finally), smirked evilly and lightly kissed the base of the left one. He could practically feel Zim melt. He kept this up for a minute, until he felt Zim tense under him, a feral rumble coming from his throat. He grabbed Dib's shoulders and shoved him down on the seat. It was Zim's turn to smirk evilly as he proceeded to ravish Dib. He flushed prettily, realizing that they would be there for quite some time. Both boys considered this to be a very good end to their date.  
  
(Further) Author's notes: Whee! Well, there's another chapter to come, actually, right after this one. And, a weird thingy here, no one had comments or questions to answer. 


	8. FIGHT! Dib’s tough decision.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I don't have any money. Don't sue me.  
  
Warnings: Slash  
  
Author's notes: VERY IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ! Okay, you guys may notice a similarity in this chapter to Joydrop's last chapter of "Complications". I worked it differently, but I wanted you to know that I didn't steal the idea, and I emailed Joydrop to ask if she was okay with my posting it, and she said she was. This is a shortish chapter, but I felt like it should be a separate chapter, because of stuff what happens. Okay, enjoy!  
  
  
  
FIGHT! Dib's tough decision.  
  
  
  
The next few weeks were weird, to say the least. When Zim and Dib were in "couple mode", they functioned wonderfully, better than a more normal couple, and while they hadn't had sex yet, the sex life they had was very.healthy. Occasionally, however, Zim would try some new scheme, and Dib would stop him, like when they were rivals. The rivalry part of their relationship had taken on an easy sort of flow, though, because Zim and Dib both knew that making up would be in order afterwards. This worked fine until.the incident. Zim's weasels had finally ripened, after 6 years of waiting. He was looking forward to using them, not to take over the world, but to cause a little bit of general chaos. Dib broke into his lab and destroyed the weasels before Zim even had a chance to test one. Needless to say, Zim was pissed.  
  
"I worked REALLY hard on those, Dib!"  
  
"You worked REALLY hard on every plan I thwart, Zim. What makes this different?"  
  
"I've been waiting 6 years for those weasels to ripen, Dib. 6 YEARS. Years. Do you understand that? I was really looking forward to testing them! You knew that, I told you! Don't you ever think?"  
  
"I couldn't just let you bring the world into some sort of.weasel Armageddon!"  
  
"You must have caught brain worms from one of our classmates. How the HELL would I take over the world with exploding weasels alone?"  
  
"I don't KNOW. Considering some of your other plans, I wouldn't put it past you."  
  
Zim spun around in frustration. "Dib, I am trying very, very, veeeeeery hard to control my temper right now. You knew how important those were to me, and I cannot fight with you anymore. We're constantly destroying each other's hard work. It's difficult, because I want to spend every minute of the day with you, but at the same time I wish you would get the HELL out of my house so I can work on my plans undisturbed."  
  
Dib blanched at this, though he sometimes felt the same way, when he was in the midst of designing new anti-alien technology.  
  
"So, what do you want to do?"  
  
"If we can't work this out Dib, we're going to have to go back to being rivals and rivals only. I don't want that to happen, because I love you. With all my heart."  
  
Dib's eyes widened slightly, as this was the first time Zim said that.  
  
"I love you too, Zim, but I can't just doom the Earth."  
  
"WHY NOT? You've told me yourself that Gaz and I are the only people you truly care about! Can't you even consider helping me? All these people do is screw you over, again and again, but you still try to save them. You don't even know what I'm planning for Earth, yet you still try to stop me, to save them. The people who try to keep you down. The ones who beat you up and mocked you. The ones who ignored the people who did it. All I want is a chance. A chance to prove that this would be better for you, and for humanity."  
  
"Zim.I.talk."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes, but I get to ask any questions I want, and you have to answer them. There are a lot of things I have to consider before deciding anything, and I want three days after we're finished to think about it."  
  
"Fair enough. What do you want to know?"  
  
"What do you have planned for Earth?"  
  
"During invasion, the humans who resist will be killed, but that is a.gift."  
  
"Given."  
  
"Whatever. After I defeat the opposition from Earth, I will call the Tallest and ask them to send me the Armada. They will, if I control the planet already. They will update the technology on this planet so it will be suitable for Irken colonization. Then I will rule here with an iron fist. Unless you join me, in which case, we will rule with an iron fist."  
  
"What about the humans left over from the war?"  
  
"At first, they will be slaves. We'll need laborers to update the technology and mine resources."  
  
"At first?"  
  
"All slaves in the Irken Empire have the opportunity to gain citizenship. It is difficult, to be sure, but it can be done. There are tests of loyalty, physical and military prowess, intelligence and basic skills to be passed. Once they gain Irken citizenship, they are treated as any other irken would be. They would, of course, be expected to submit to irkens in authority positions."  
  
"I still don't like the idea of slavery."  
  
"Dib, look around you. Humans still enslave each other. You have to specially request fair trade coffee. Fetish shrines in Turkey. Little Haitian children working their fingers bloody for a cent an hour so rich countries can have Nike clothing. Homeless people stuck in a cycle, never able to get a job because what little money they get has to be used for survival."  
  
"I know all that Zim."  
  
"Well, before you get high and mighty about enslaving humans, you would do well to remember that many already are."  
  
Dib looked pensive. "You're right, of course. What about Earth's geography?"  
  
"Irk's atmosphere is similar to Earth's. Since there are already enough colonization sites on Earth, the geography will remain untouched. Many irkens have an affinity for the wild, you know."  
  
"Hmmm. and the safety of my family?"  
  
"So long as they remain loyal to Irk, they will be automatically granted citizenship and left alone. If they choose to fight, I can't make any guarantees."  
  
"This is a lot to think about, Zim. I'm gonna go home now, and I'll be back when I decide." Dib turned to leave, but stopped short when Zim called his name.  
  
"Let me say one last thing before you leave. This civilization is already in decline. The human race is running out of resources and space. Fast. A change may benefit humanity more than damage it. If it doesn't, remember our classmates. Remember all the things you told me about Gaz, her abuse. Your father, who only has dinner with you once a year. Think of the greedy, the ones who don't care about other people as long as they get what they want. And please, if you don't remember anything else, remember that I love you, even if you don't join me, but I can't take this on and off animosity anymore."  
  
"Zim." Dib was speechless. "I love you, too."  
  
With that, he turned away and left for home. He had a lot of thinking to do.  
  
  
  
(Further) Author's notes: Thanks to Curious Blue for beta-ing. I probably won't have the last chapter up till after Christmas (I'm gonna make you wait, muahahahahaha) sooooo.Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Cwazy Kwanza, Yelpin' Yule, and a Solemn, Dignified Ramadan to you all. Oh! And Happy New Year! 


	9. Just a little question answering thing.

Oooookay! I felt kinda bad about making you guys wait, and I thought I should do SOMETHING, so I'm gonna take a chapter up to answer the questions I got. Also, I would have had to make an extra thingy anyway because some of the questions require longer answers.Okay, on to the questions!  
  
QUERIES! Christmas answers for my wonderful readers!  
  
  
  
ArmandLeg: "And have a Solemn, Dignified Ramadan yourself, Xelith. Though, I do not celebrate it... ^_^;; I like what Zim plans to do with the Earth... I really do, for some reason."  
  
Nor do I, actually. But I figure there've gotta be SOME Muslims on ff.net. Anyhoo, thankies for the Earth comment. I think irkens are all about efficiency, being a warlike society. If you're not quick about colonizing your planets, you won't have time to conquer new ones! Also, there's room for 6 billion people already, why bulldoze all the purdy green stuff?  
  
  
  
The Slayer: "Cool ^-^ But I don't think Dib would go with taking over the earth bit........."  
  
Oh, you will see..ooooh, the seeing you will see..  
  
  
  
Mirage DeDreamer: "I don't think the Irkens treat each other very well.."  
  
1  
  
I didn't say anything about the irkens, so I'm assuming you're talking about the slaves. I don't actually think irkens would treat the slaves well, quite the opposite. I think that they'd be treated like shite, frankly. But, keeping with the spirit of efficiency, it's not efficient to have a bunch of embittered, maltreated slaves. That's how rebellions start. If they have a chance to improve their station, they're more likely to study for the test, as it's easier than trying to all-powerful dictators. Also, since the tests are difficult, you're pretty much ensured that none of the dumbasses (such as the kids in Dib and Zim's class) will be able to pass, keeping them pretty much out of the way. That way, you'd also have the smarter ones contributing to society instead of starting rebel groups. I'd also assume they'd propagandize the crap out of the slaves, so while the first generation of them wouldn't be fooled, the next one would grow up thinking that irken citizenship is the thing to achieve. Hmmm.. The fact that I even think about this frightens me.  
  
2 Pepperleen: "Lango? What the hell is lango?"  
  
A lango is a big patty of bread, like a pizza, deep-fried and smothered in cinnamon and sugar. They are the yummiest things in the world. The lango dance is something Curious Blue does.  
  
3 Zharlight: "Make me wait until Christmas?"  
  
Yes! Muahahahahahahahahahaha! *Coughs * Okay.I'm done laughing. I think it ruptured my lung meats. *Goes away to nurse her poor ruptured lungs*  
  
  
  
HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! SANTA LOOOOOOVVES YOU. Unless you've been naughty. Then he REALLY loves you. 


	10. DECIDE! Dib’s aggravating logic!

Disclaimer: As much as I would like to have Zim to snuggle, I don't own him or any other pertaining characters. Should Mr. Vasquez decide to sue me, all he would get is a spooky doll and a closet full of bondage midgets, as they're the only money-worth things I DO have.  
  
Warnings: Slash. And sap, in this chapter anyway.  
  
Author's notes: I'm back from the dead! For the past couple of weeks, I've had horrible, crippling brain grease that prevented me from writing anything good. But now the grease has lifted. Thanks to my awesome reviewers, yet again! You guy are great. I'd also like to publicly apologize to Ztarlight for constantly spelling her name wrong. The letters "T" and "H" are usually interchangeable in my mind, so that's why it happened. Now, some of you have probably participated in the little flame war we've had going lately. I'm not going to put up any more opinions in the fanfiction section, but I posted an article about it in my livejournal, so if you want to read it, here's the address: www.livejournal.com/users/xelith.  
  
  
  
Bliss  
  
  
  
"With that, he turned away and left for home. He had a lot of thinking to do."  
  
  
  
DECIDE! Dib's aggravating logic!  
  
  
  
And think Dib did. Oh, the thoughts he thought. At first, he tried to go about it logically, making charts, entering data into his computer, analyzing Zim's plan for Earth down to the most minute detail. He even stooped to making a Pros/Cons list. He was becoming very, very aggravated. He was on his second day, and still wasn't any closer to figuring out what would be right. He heaved a mighty sigh, sat down on his bed and went over the points in his mind again.  
  
Point 1: Zim's plan for humanity. It was a logically sound plan. Still, he didn't like the idea of slavery. He liked the idea of equal opportunities to rise in rank and position, but not if those opportunities involved starting as slaves. The odd thing was Dib thought it was a well planned….. plan, an efficient one. A plan that had a high probability of working. Earth needed an overhaul, that was for sure. His research from various classes in history and ancient civilizations showed a trend that connected the downfall of civilizations to lack of resources. That meant that humanity on a whole was on it's way out. Zim was right when he pointed that out. To save ITSELF, humanity would have to learn resource management, and fast.  
  
Point 2: Obliteration of humanity's control of the planet. Did humanity even DESERVE to control the planet? They were doing a pretty good job of screwing it up. The people in authority didn't deserve to be there. Another thing Dib had realized over the years was that authority isn't based on what you can do, it's based on who you know, and in some less developed countries, who you can kill. Too many governments hoarded their money and left their people in the streets to starve. More wealthy countries used up resources, natural and otherwise, without remorse and with very little thought to what would happen when they ran out. Irken control would be strict and violent, but better for the environment, at least Dib gathered that, from his research.  
  
Point 3: Consequence/Rewards for saving Earth. Dib wasn't even sure if he COULD turn Zim in, after all that had happened. What would his life become if he had to chase Zim again, forever foiling the plots everyone else refused to see? He would never regain the happiness he had felt on and off for the past few weeks. And what would happen if Zim got caught? He would get shallow media attention for a year or so, having to tell the tale of his "heroic capture" of the alien over and over until some other scandal came along and left him forgotten and unhappy.  
  
Point 4: Power. Zim offered Dib a chance to rule Earth by Zim's side, which definitely meant power. Continue chasing Zim, and he would likely remain powerless, even if Zim were captured.  
  
Point 5: His family. This was a conflicted subject for him. To Dib, Gaz and his father didn't really feel like family. Gaz always antagonized him, and Dad was never around, which left him with feelings for them as…. roommates. Roommates he didn't know well enough to miss if they were gone. Yet at the same time, they were his family, and the only constant in his life other than Zim was loyalty to his family. For a long time, his family and the paranormal were all he had. Zim guaranteed they'd be safe as long as they didn't start any revolutions, but Dib was still questioning whether he was prepared to make such a sacrifice.  
  
Humanity was clearly losing here, but something in Dib still gnawed at him to save it. Logically, humanity was going to screw itself over, and siding with the irkens…. no, Zim, would be the sensible choice. But still…..  
  
Dib growled in frustration. He was getting sick of his feelings getting in the way of his perfectly graphed logic. Why couldn't anything ever just be EASY? His mind told him that this was not an easy decision. Dib smiled when he realized that he had acknowledged that his mind was speaking to him. Zim always told him he over-thought everything.  
  
"Fine." Dib muttered to himself. "Let's try this 'feelings' thing."  
  
Humanity. What did he feel about humanity as a whole? Dissatisfaction was the first thing that came to mind. Humanity, as a whole, sucked. People just couldn't tear their thoughts away from eliminating independence from the hive. Thoughts, style, independent anything, really. Any difference from the norm that wasn't politically correct. The kids at skool scorned him, not because he didn't try to make friends with them, but because he was different. Because he was capable of independent thought. Sorrow was another. He felt sorry for those who had to suffer at the hands of someone who didn't deserve all they had. Anger. Humanity kept him down at every turn. As soon as he recovered from one blow, the sent another one in the form of ignorance, hatred and scorn. Humanity helped shape him into the near-suicidal wreck he was for the first two years of high skool. The only thing that kept him from going through with it was Zim. His goal, his equal. The last feeling, though, was hope. Hope that had dimmed over time, lurking in the back of his mind. Ever since he was a kid, he had hope that one day, humanity would accomplish great things. Space exploration, contact with other species, as much peace and love that humanity would allow. Years of hate had withered this hope, but it still existed. Something big could bring humanity together, and make them accomplish those things he KNEW they were capable of, but age brought him the knowledge that it would never happen in his lifetime.  
  
Zim. Zim was the only one who cared about him. In animosity or love, Zim acknowledged him. He always had, from day one. He was the only one. All the other kids at skool ignored him, or shunned him. When Zim came, Dib felt like he had a purpose again. Zim became his life. Dib rarely thought of anything else. He hated Zim with all the mental power he could muster up. Now, that passion had changed direction, and he loved Zim with all his heart. He loved the feel of Zim's arms around him. He loved those crimson eyes, extremely expressive when Zim wasn't wearing his contacts. He loved Zim's determination, his drive, his ambition. He was intelligent, too, with a biting sense of humor that had developed over many years of banter with Dib. He loved Zim's skin, the softness of it, the way Zim's antennae felt when he dragged his hand across them. He loved the way Zim would grudgingly play with Gir, making a scene, even when they all knew that really, Zim loved Gir like his own child. Dib loved Zim's pride, his loyalty, his honor, his confidence and all that stuff that made Zim….. Zimmy.  
  
Thinking like this always turned Dib into a big sap. He couldn't help it, really. Zim gave him some of the best memories of his life. He chuckled when Zim came to skool covered in meat, way back in the sixth grade. He was awestruck when the tiny irken managed to sell one million candy bars. When he tried to brainwash the principal in middle skool, among thousands of other plots, and the easiness their rivalry developed by tenth grade in high skool. Their daily fights and bantering were usually the high point of Dib's day. Zim gave him such a high when he was around. Hostile or not, whenever Dib was around him, the rest of the world disappeared.  
  
But humanity still nagged at him. The one time he was trying to ignore it, it turned around and bit him in the ass. He walked over his window and stared for a bit, mulling things over, and recalling the time Zim took him for a "guided tour" of Mars, Dib's favorite planet. It was out there, shining and tinted red the slightest bit. Dib gazed at it for a moment then slammed his window shut. He'd solved his dilemma, and the solution was going to hurt him. A lot. But it had to be done.  
  
****  
  
Zim listlessly scrubbed the toilet-elevator in his kitchen for the sixth time in two days. Just like the rest of the house. Anything to keep him busy while he waited for the inevitable. Dib was bound to choose Earth. He knew that when he put forward the ultimatum, but he clung to his stupid hopes that maybe, just maybe, Dib would change his mind. He wondered if Dib knew how nerve-wracking this was for him.  
  
"Master?"  
  
Zim looked up from his cleaning.  
  
"You're cleaning again, master. Are the germie-germs back?"  
  
"No, Gir. You wouldn't understand."  
  
"Aww." Gir cocked his head to the left, his eyes lifting in a kind smile. "Master's sad. I KNOW WHAT YOU NEED!" With that, Gir launched himself at Zim's head, and Zim managed to stand up just in time for Gir to land in his midriff instead. "I LOVES YOU MASTER! I loves you almost as much as cupcakes!"  
  
Zim allowed himself a rare, Gir-directed smile. Gir really was his only friend, aside from Dib, whom he probably wouldn't have for much longer. He sighed and allowed Gir to crush his waist. For once, "someone" did need a hug.  
  
****  
  
Dib walked up to Zim's door, uncertain steps guiding him. He took a deep breath, and assured himself that this was the right decision; his heart and mind agreed.  
  
Zim was broken from his thoughts when a soft, but self-assured knock on the door reached his ears. Dib's knock. But it was two days early…..He went to answer the door.  
  
"Zim."  
  
"Dib. Come in." Zim felt bleak when he saw the anguish in Dib's eyes. He was certain this was going to be bad. "You're early."  
  
"I didn't need the whole three days."  
  
"So?"  
  
Dib took a deep breath and steeled himself. This was the decision that would alter his live forever, and if he was going to go through with it, he would have no regrets.  
  
"Zim, you're the most important thing in the world to me."  
  
Zim noticed that small pockets of tears were starting to form in the corners of Dib's eyes, and that he was desperately trying to hold them back.  
  
"I love you, Dib. Remember that, and do what you have to do."  
  
"You're important to me. More important than anything else."  
  
"So what does that mean?"  
  
"I'll join you, Zim."  
  
  
  
(Further) Author's notes: IT'S DONE! Now I feel empty and ficless…Well, I've got a sequel brewing in my head and a bunch of one-shots as well. What to write, what to write? Curious: Thanks for the crash course in lango- dancing. You knew of my horrible brain grease, but I hope I didn't keep everyone waiting TOO long. Fatalonie: I don't KNOW. *Blinks cutely* I'm saving that for the next fic, I suppose. Also, I guess it got kind of serious for Gir to be in a lot. I've got a little comedic rompy-thing planned, though, and Dib's going to talk to Gir in that one. Well, I hope you guys liked it! Aforementioned comedic romp will probably be the next thing, but it fits into this timeline. 


End file.
